If we hear the word “violence”, then immediately think about causing physical harm. But there is another concept – psychological violence. It also creates excellent damage to health. We regularly endure stress, are in nervous tension and think that such a life is in the order of things. And toxic people are to blame for this, whose effects can be avoided. The main thing is to recognize them in time in your environment and stop putting up with the problem.
What is a toxic person?
Surely you thought about the fact that not all familiar and close people are equally pleasant. There must be at least one person in whose presence the mood begins to deteriorate. There are no conflicts between you and quarrels, you calmly communicate. But there is a feeling that you are slowly being poisoned. Every day a small portion of poison is added, the negative accumulates, and the body fails. This person acts on your nerves consciously, knowing well what causes discomfort. You suffer, and he gets pleasure.
How exactly do toxic people poison the lives of other people?
- Constantly manipulate.
- Strive to control the actions of others.
- Use people to their advantage.
- Very jealous and envious.
- Critical to everything.
- Constantly complain about life.
- They are addicted, and not necessarily from nicotine or alcohol. It could be gambling or something else.
- Experience the pleasure of negative emotions.
- Rejoice, ruffling the nerves of another person.
- Release cruel jokes, sarcastic, sarcastic.
- Allow yourself to comment, degrading the dignity of others.
- Ignore the rules of politeness, are rude, vulgar.
- They are firmly convinced that they are right.
- Prone to fabrications and lies for the sake of creating an image.
- Do not consider it necessary to restrain emotions.
- Do not seek a mutual understanding in a relationship. They need only a sacrifice that they will torment for years.
Toxic people do not just periodically spoil our mood. They violate all plans, interfere with a normal life and significantly undermine health. Always in contact with ill-wishers, you tire, lose performance, become irritable and nervous. Career collapses, relationships with loved ones do not go well. And you have every chance of becoming a toxic person too. Therefore, you need to get rid of the negative impact as soon as possible.
When a toxic person is just a friend, the problem is not difficult to solve. Avoid communication with him, refuse to meet, say that you do not have time for telephone conversations.
But there are, unfortunately, other situations. What if a boss, long-time friend, or close relative poisons life? You cannot escape from a husband, sister, best friend or boss so simple. Therefore, it is necessary to show firmness and learn to resist the negative.
Toxic people are, in fact, energy vampires who feed on our life forces. The worse our mood gets, the more fun they get. It is impossible to avoid conflicts and prolonged stresses regularly communicating with such a person. The situation gets out of control, health deteriorates, and life begins to collapse.
That is why it is essential to identify a toxic person in the immediate environment and to be able to defend oneself. So, to understand that you are dealing with a toxic person, you can get on the following grounds:
- You experience psychological discomfort when dealing with this person, and you want to hide from him under any pretext.
- You are drawn into the “dramatic” stories entirely against your will, and they strive to provoke violent emotions in you.
- After talking with the energetic vampire, you feel that the forces have left you (the state of “squeezed lemon”). At the same time, even the head can ache.
- This person is very unpleasant to you, and because of this, you do not leave feeling guilty. Moreover, this feeling seems to be imposed from the outside.
- You regularly solve some problems for this person. For example, redoing his work, helping with affairs, correcting mistakes.
- If he is in trouble, you are always there. But when you feel bad, he is in no hurry to give support.
- You are like a wet vest, in which you continuously cry and blow your nose. Sometimes it seems to you that the whiner is comforted and starts a new life. But these are vain hopes. After all, complaining and suffering is a great pleasure for a toxic person.
- The word “no” means nothing to such a person. Rather, only he has the right to pronounce it. If you say “no” to him, he pretends that he did not understand.
- A toxic person feels himself to be the center around which the entire planet revolves. And those who are nearby are obliged to please in everything – make coffee, treat, do his work, listen, sympathize, praise and say compliments. He believes that he is right in everything. The values of other people do not interest him at all.
- You feel that this man has hooked you. Your wishes and your opinion do not matter.
How to neutralize the toxic effects?
Communication with toxic people can not always be avoided. But you can protect yourself from their harmful influence in any situation. First of all, try to follow these rules:
- If you don’t like the request, feel free to say no. If necessary, learn to deny even close people.
- Do not let yourself be used; do not let anyone sit on your neck.
- Identify the framework through which a toxic person is not allowed to cross. Let the manipulator understand that there will be no sense from his hysterics.
- Try not to suffer in vain with remorse. You are not required to fulfill all the wishes of a toxic person and always help him. Let him cope with his endless problems.
- Distance yourself. You have the right to spend your free time as you like. You do not have to continually listen to someone’s complaints. If you feel that the conversation has become unpleasant, politely say goodbye and leave, referring to the case.
- Do not show your emotions – this is food for a toxic person. If you have nowhere to go, distract yourself. For example, take an exciting book or turn on a movie, put on headphones. Another option is to observe the situation indifferently. Look at the whiner as the psychologist looks at the object of research. This will help to distance and calm down.
- Think carefully about your behavior, analyze your weak points. It is essential to know what an energy vampire plays on. Stop being vulnerable to the manipulator.
- If you feel that something is wrong, then, in fact, there is a problem. Remember that intuition in such cases does not fail.
- Do not find excuses to tolerate the situation. Even if a lot of energy, feelings, money, time was invested in relationships, this is no reason to torture yourself. We all fear to lose something. But in return, you gain a new life and get vaccinated against a toxic relationship.
- Be prepared that a toxic person will not let you go. He will make every effort to return to previous relationships. Or maybe try to get revenge.
What if a close person turned out to be toxic?
The situation is comfortable to solve when uneasy relations have developed at work. It is enough just to limit communication with a toxic colleague, not to succumb to provocations and speak only on business.
The real problems begin when a native person becomes a vampire and a manipulator. Moreover, the toxicity of relatives can manifest itself in different ways – from a feeling of permissiveness to extreme care.
Experienced psychologists recommend behaving as follows:
- Require the manipulator to respect your personal boundaries. Protect these boundaries, by all means, be firm and do not let a toxic person interfere in your life.
- Always soberly assess the situation. Perhaps trying to maintain a relationship no longer makes sense.
- Persuading a toxic person is useless. He still will not listen to your words. It is better to show your dissatisfaction mirror.
- If a person is dear to you, try to put up with his minor flaws.
- If you decide to break the relationship, do not postpone it for later. Act decisively, leave altogether. Remember that you do not have to explain. You may be afraid of conflict. In this case, think carefully about how to protect yourself from anger and revenge.
- After breaking up, break off all opportunities to contact you. Change your phone number, block a toxic person on social networks, etc.
Toxic people can poison your whole life with their presence. You should not succumb to their influence, even if they are best friends or relatives. Remember that marriage or cohabitation is not a reason to endure psychological abuse. People enter into relationships in order to support each other, and not to torment. Try to find a decent way out of it.